How does this all work?
1) Kickoff – Pay a small intro fee, sign some paperwork, and send us your code + a note on what it’s supposed to do.
2) Diagnosis – We read the code, run it, break it, then tell you what’s wrong (and how to avoid the same mess next time!)
3) Fix & Build – You get a quote to stabilize, extend, or enhance your slop. You pick what happens next. This is your dream.
Do you roast my code?
Only if you insist! We promise we’ve seen worse professionally. Everyone starts somewhere. We just want to figure out what went wrong & get it working for you.
How much does this cost?
We’re still figuring that out. It depends on how deep the slop goes. Our intention is to establish a two-step process:
First, you pay fair flat-rate fee. This covers the time to read, run, and diagnose. We want dreamers who believe in what they’re doing enough to spend their own money on other humans.
After that, you get a clear quote. No hidden “consulting hours,” no vague retainer. Just a price and a timeline.
Why won’t you tell me if my idea is good or not?
Our crystal ball broke. We aren’t here to crush dreams, we’re here to enable them.
Do I lose ownership of my project if you fix it?
Not at all. Your code stays yours. We just untangle it, patch it, and make it behave. You can even tell everyone you did it all yourself! Your secret is safe with us.
What languages and frameworks do you support?
Pretty much everything. We’ve all been doing this for a long time. How long? Some of us started developing websites before Chrome or Firefox existed. Some of us wrote our first programs in BASIC on screens that only had a few colors. Please don’t call us old.
Can you add new features too, or just fix things?
Both. Once we stabilize your project, you can tell us what else you want it to do. We’ll extend it cleanly instead of piling on more slop.
Will you rewrite everything from scratch?
Not unless you want us to. Most of the time, the fastest (and least expensive) path is to stabilize what you’ve got. But if a full rebuild is the only sane option, we’ll tell you straight up.
Do you work with businesses, startups, or hobbyists?
Yes. If your project broke and you care enough to fix it, you’re our kind of client.
Can you fix my game?
Hell yes! We love games, some of us have even made games professionally. Games are good to play,
What if my project is completely unsalvageable?
Then we’ll tell you, politely. We’ll suggest alternatives and offer advice.
Is there anything you won’t do?
As long as it isn’t illegal and it isn’t making the world a worse place, we’re probably down. If it is somehow illegal? Cool! We’ll do our best to explain why, but we’ll never snitch.
Why do you call it slop?
Because it is. There’s nothing wrong with making slop. You tried to do something, that’s a lot more than haters who think this is an insult. What have they made? Exactly.
Why are you pseudoanonymous?
We want to keep our work for you separate from our lives and who we are. Maybe we have jobs, maybe we’re space aliens. It’s just more fun, and having fun is so crucial.
What if it breaks again after you fix it?
We plan to offer SlopCare, a sort of warranty on what we have done for you. Unfortunately we had to ask a real human lawyer about this and are waiting to hear back from them.
This is awesome, I want to invest in SlopLab
Shoot an email to hello@sloplab.com
How do I become a SlopLab Scientist?
Send your resume, portfolio, a brief introduction, what you’re good at, and what you actually like doing to cracked@sloplab.com
I’m with The Press and I have Questions
press@sloplab.com